The many forms of me - the journey of my inner child to owning the sacred self, Dakini

 The many forms of me 

I met my inner child again in 2004.

She was waiting—tender, shy, observant—
buried beneath years of performance and pain.

In 2006, I found the divine.
God walked beside me that year.
I lived in practiced devotion—
spiritual rituals became my breath and food.

Then came 2007.
I left the familiar.
Journeyed to wild lands,
and dared to become
what no one else had the courage to embrace:
myself, unmasked.

2008. I returned.
      To Rotterdam.
      To volunteer work.
      To myself.
      To choices that felt true—
      not those society handed me.

It became a path of awareness,
a shedding of what was never mine to carry.
Two decades of clearing.
Generations of feminine trauma
slowly released from my body, my sight, my soul.

2012: The marriage.
An lightning path to salvation from poverty and pain - sometimes wrapped in love.
A soul contract—yes—
to help each other feel again.
To feel worthy.

He saw my spirit—truly saw—
but couldn’t hold it without breaking.
Ego’s shame blurred his vision,
and love turned into retaliation.

Other men followed.
Longing.
Lust.
Anger.
But each was a portal—
a mirror reflecting another fragment of my wholeness.
Some revealed my yearning.
Others, my silence.
And some, my power.

Then came Markku.
His gift?
Boundaries.
Sovereignty.
Love, no longer fusion or loss—
but clarity, distinction, and truth.

And now, I stand in Busot.
With Claudia—bare, bold, free.
Her nudity, not seduction—
but sovereignty embodied.

I see her, and I echo.
The old me trembles—
shrinks, afraid to seduce,
afraid to offend.

But the new me stands tall.
Learning to breathe as the Dakini—
a woman who does not shrink,
a woman who transforms shame into wisdom
through her lived sensuality.

I am the elder woman now.
Not aged—
but seasoned in soul.

The Dakini lives in me.
Sacred sexual energy—
not theory,
but experienced, lived, scarred, kissed—
and returned to grace.